In my last post, I alluded to the fact that I want to continue writing, and that I have several projects brewing. I am definitely going to write a novel over the summer. But I have also been missing research-based writing specifically. It’s something that I’m good at, and a kind of writing and inquiry that I love doing.

I’m an incredibly academic individual, and lately I’ve been sincerely missing that aspect of my identity. I’ve loved the teaching aspects of my job, I love planning lessons and seeing the people I’m tutoring grow. But I would love to teach something a little more advanced.

Therefore, I’m looking at graduate programs. In my current work, I’m seeing the importance of people being able to understand cultural differences, and to honor them as not better or worse than their own culture. Many of my favorite classes in college were anthropology classes, and I would love to both research and teach anthropology.

So this is going to be a really busy summer and fall for me! I’m going to be taking the GRE, preparing my writing sample, and writing my statement(s) of purpose. I’m really excited to start on this path toward a PhD! It feels like the perfect mixture of all the things I’ve wanted to be.

My only hope is that I can still do good things in the community. I’ve loved my job, and even if I volunteer once a week or do some part-time work in a non-profit while I’m in school, it will feel less ivory tower. It’s not unheard of for people to do that, right? I don’t want what I’m learning to be in a vacuum.

This was a great experience for me, in that it inspired me to keep writing essays, and to continue to work writing into my life. It was something I had sorely missed since graduating from college, and I’ve now realized it’s something that I can’t stop doing. It’s a healthy engagement for my mind. I feel like my writing is something I can be proud of.

So … I will continue to write reviews and essays of film and literature here. I might even begin to write fiction again. I have a couple of ideas brewing, which feels wonderful. Perhaps this summer I’ll do a sort of modified “National Novel Writing Month,” except it will be three months long. I’m not sure if my focus will be to complete three short stories, or to complete one draft of a novel. I tried writing fanfiction again last summer, but I got too attached to the ideas and desperately wanted it to be original fiction.

I could adapt that story to an original story. Some elements would need to be changed majorly, but I think it would work better as an original piece. The main character I developed would be better suited to an original work.

I have other news, but I’m going to wait to share it here. Next week is Seattle! There will most definitely be a couple of travel posts up about that trip. I’m really excited, I feel like this trip has been in the making for years.

Yes, this is the sole purpose for this post.

Just read it.

So I’m trying to figure out what to do with this little blog of mine. Clearly, I haven’t been blogging too much lately.

Part of that is because … well, there are a lot of things going on but I’m not sure that they’ll be interesting to anyone but me. I feel like I haven’t been crafting as much as I used to (time, exhaustion, boyfriend, all of these things add up …). I also haven’t been traveling as much lately, so no travel posts here.

I’m finding that life after graduation provides less to blog about.

That being said, I guess I’ll keep going?

Sometimes I really miss living in a small town. Everything being walkable, life moving at a slower pace, quaintness … Less harrowing situations on a daily basis. I grew up in a small college town, and I remember having mixed feelings. I remember feeling somewhat content there. There are a couple of cool things to do. Because of the university, it has some arts/cultural events. I was lucky enough to be in a small town with a theater crowd.

I think more than anything what I’m missing is a connection to my roots. This manifests in most aspects of my life: my circle of friends, my job, my connection to family, etc. I don’t see my friends enough, and that feels imbalanced. My friends are very grounding for me, and I’ve been missing that. I realized this weekend that it’s been a very long time since I saw some of my friends, and I’m not ok with that. I have great friends, and they’re very engaged in what they’re doing, but that also means that it’s hard to pin them down. We’re all too damn busy!

My job is interesting and I like it, but it’s also not what I really see myself doing or the issues that I see myself working on. I feel like what I’m doing now is awesome, but it seems strange in connection to the path I had projected for myself. It doesn’t feel like quite the right fit, given what I grew up with. Living in the twin cities feels right, but I wish that what I was doing had more to do with women’s issues or environmental issues. I would like to find a way to incorporate more of those issues into what I’m doing now, and to try to find a job that would be more in line with those interests of mine.

I was in Northfield today with John, and whenever I go there I feel a certain nostalgia for where I came from. It’s like when I was living back home, I had dreams of how my life would be like. I spent so much time dreaming, writing, and practicing music that I had a very hopeful frame of mind. When I go to Northfield, I feel those dreams come back in a way that they aren’t present in Minneapolis.

Perhaps it’s the principle that everything seems harder in the place where I live. There are expectations of me in Minneapolis that aren’t present when I’m anywhere else. Decisions I make and thought patterns I follow in other places seem to be slightly removed from my future. And because there’s less pressure, in some ways I feel I am more myself. For instance, I felt much more calm and strong in India than I do here. I developed a very zen mind frame, probably because everything was strange so I had to just go with the flow. But here, “real world problems” are consistently getting in the way of a clear mind.

I want to cultivate more of that mind frame in my daily life. I want to learn to be less anxious, to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I need to learn how to be present in the moment, and to be comfortable with myself when I don ‘t have a direct goal in front of me. It might be easier in a small town, but it is still possible in Minneapolis. Perhaps it’s harder, but it’s possible.

While I’m figuring all of that out, I need to reconnect with things and people that make me feel like myself. I need to be in better contact with my family. I need to bring more creativity into my life.

“Nostalgia (noun): a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past”

-  Oxford English Dictionary

This definition of nostalgia is still fairly new. Originally, nostalgia was a medical-psychological term to describe the feelings of soldiers far from their homelands. It was a crippling homesickness, and those diagnosed with nostalgia were given leave to return home for a short period of time to regain their strength. Since then, nostalgia has progressed from the pathological to the emotional.

Nostalgia is the feeling that if you could reclaim a sense of the past, everything would be better. Wasn’t everything better back then? Nostalgia is a sense of pride in a self-created history. It has come to dominate many forms of popular culture. The rise of the costume drama, pin-up advertising, vintage fashion, and even the increased use of vinyl record players are all forms of indulgence in nostalgia. A cultural pull toward the aesthetic of the past fascinates me. It seems both backwards and subversive.

The first time I came across Blue Velvet, it was in an article about nostalgia. I was working on my senior thesis, and I was writing about the use of the freak show in popular fiction. I was reading this particular article because it talked about American nostalgia and the grotesque. As it turned out, the article wasn’t all that useful to what I was writing about, but it put Blue Velvet on my radar.

When I saw the movie, I was immediately struck by the constant transitions that Lynch makes between nostalgia and a sort of warped present. Lynch revels in the kitsch of the past, and at the same time uses the past to reveal that there was never a time when “everything was ok.” He creates the world of the film through careful placement of anachronisms and by blending the old with the new.

Because of this, it’s very difficult to figure out when the film is actually supposed to take place. The costuming of the film utilizes a mixture of “classic” styles and contemporary 1980s clothing. As you can see in the below screenshot, sometimes the setting and the costuming looks like it came straight out of “Grease.” But if you look very closely, you’ll notice that the slouchy quality of the sweaters and the cut of the skirts are definitely very 1980s.

 

* Host a classy cocktails party with the roommates.

* Buy/acquire a bicycle.

* Travel to Seattle to visit John and Chelsea.

* Go to Emerald city ComiCon in Seattle.

* Take on more responsibility at work.

* Start a savings plan for various things (moving into a studio at the end of my current lease, traveling, potentially moving out of Minnesota, etc.)

* Figure out a diet that works for me nutritionally *and* works for my budget.

* Get rid of any and all clothes that I never wear and/or wear but hate.

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of Metropolis. It was absolutely essential to the creation of science fiction as a whole. Not only this, but it comes from a deeply stylized artistic genre that only works in silent film, an art lost to film history. Metropolis is considered German Expressionist, a full fledged artistic as well as filmic movement, with heavy symbolism and art-deco set design. The film is carried by the main female character, Maria, played by Brigitte Helm. Maria and her double are the catalysts for the entire film.

Largely considered by film critics as a late entry into the German Expressionist film canon, Metropolis can’t be taken strictly at face value. German Expressionism came as a reaction against realism, and the high aesthetics of the sets speak to the symbolic nature of much of the film. Viewers today might not say that Metropolis is particularly subtle (the first title card reads: “The mediator between head and hands must be the heart!” – laying out explicitly the metaphor for the entire film), but the symbolism works on several levels, and that overt symbolism covers up multiple levels of delicate, covert symbolism.

The movie is about a city, set far in the future, that is dependent on an oppressed lower class to run machinery constantly, or the city will malfunction on a catastrophic level. The upper class enjoys a city of light, with all the riches and technology they might need or want. The lower class lives under the city, and the upper class never has to see them. They walk in unison to and from work, as if they lack an identity outside of their job. Their jobs are mindless, but desperately important. If no one is there to run the machines, the lower city is in danger of flooding entirely.

Freder is the son of the wealthiest man in Metropolis, and has lived a life of leisure. One day while frolicking in the garden, Maria disturbs him by ushering in children of the workers. Freder, who has never seen one of the workers, is so moved that he wishes to join them. At the same time, a mad scientist has been working for Freder’s father, Joh Fredersen, to create a robot that would be so lifelike as to replace his dead wife. While Freder is organizing in the depths of the city, the scientist shows Fredersen what Maria is up to. Incensed, Fredersen instructs the mad scientist to capture Maria and stifle the masses. Instead of creating the robot in the dead wife’s image, he creates it in the image of Maria to sabotage her work with the lower class.

The plot is much more involved than this, but these are the major points to get to before chaos ensues in the city. Lang points to a population terrified of internal subversion using the overarching message of the mediator. The double of Maria – who is directly referenced as the “whore of Babylon” – sabotages the instincts of every story line within the film. She is not only a foil for the “good guys,” she is a foil for everything – including herself.

Maria is the only woman within the film who is given an identity separate from either sex or the machines. She is both saint and whore, in classic dichotomy, bearing both the choice and the outcome for the revolution. On the one hand, a peaceful uprising with mutually beneficial outcomes for the upper and lower classes, and on the other she represents bloody revolution and chaos out of which no good comes.

It’s a classic problem of Madonna vs. whore. In this abstract world, where symbolism is more important than reality, those are the only two options that a female character like Maria is given. Yet the male characters aren’t allowed much more depth – many of them are simply given a role, with no subtlety or realism or personality. Metropolis is less about gender in the eyes of the director/writer than it is about gender as a societal structure. The way the audience reads gender is an important clue to unlocking the symbolism of the film.

Silent film itself provides a set of unique challenges for both director and star. The actors are challenged to act primarily through body language – almost like dancers – and the extreme and expressive make-up conveys meaning beyond the forms. Today, seeing a film without a bombast of sound is a rare experience (with the exception of surprise hit The Artist). Mainstream directors have mostly done away with the idea of the silent film, and the experience may be new for a lot of viewers. Metropolis is a masterpiece, and while some viewers may need to adjust to the style, it resonates deeply for fans of science fiction and dystopia.

Metropolis, in its restored version, is currently streaming on Netflix Instant Queue.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Rosemary discovers marks from inception.

It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly it was about Rosemary’s Baby that stuck with me so much. This is the first (and at this point, the only) film I’ve seen by Roman Polanski and I went into the film thinking it would be another classic horror tale. Now, having seen it, I wouldn’t even really describe it as “horror.” It’s frightening because there’s very little, if anything, in the film you can trust as a viewer.

There’s something very primal about Rosemary’s fear. It’s natural that she would feel protective of her child, and also that she would feel threatened by shadowy forces. Mia Farrow’s performance is understated, to the point of almost feeling like a beautiful blank slate, which makes it easy for the audience to empathize with her. Ruth Gordon (of Harold and Maude fame) won Best Supporting Actress for her role as the intrusive, endearing, but ultimately evil neighbor. She plays up Polanski’s subtle, bleak humor, at the same time providing a powerful personality for Rosemary’s “blank slate” to shine against.

For the rest of this post, head over to Video Word Made Flesh and check it out!

Annie Hall (1977

If you have watched movies with me, you probably know that I’m not too into comedies. And when I am, it’s usually something really cerebral. Like anything Woody Allen makes.

Say what you want about the man, but his art … fantastic. I watched this a while ago, so there’s not much to say as far as analysis goes, but the script is brilliant, Diane Keaton is fantastic, and the fashion is wonderful. I don’t talk about enjoying comedies very often, but I loved “Annie Hall.”

I actually watched this a really long time ago, and it’s been a while, so I don’t have too much more to say, other than that I loved it.

Blue Velvet (1986)

"I don't know whether you're a detective or a pervert." "That's for me to know and you to find out."

The 2011 HD/re-release trailer claims that this is “one of the most disturbing movies of all time.” I’m … not quite sure I would say that, but it is pretty disturbing and not in any way for the faint-of-heart. The quote I used to caption this screenshot summarizes nicely the main theme of the film: voyeurism.

The movie starts out in a perfectly ordinary, even picturesque small town. The setting of the film seems to be a vague “some time in the past”, somewhere between the fifties and the eighties. The plot is kicked off when a young college student returns to his home town, goes on a walk, and finds a severed ear in the field. He talks to the local detective, but his curiosity is insatiable and he must continue the search for the killer. He leaps head-first into the dark side of the town, and soon gets in over his head with the local gang.

The young man (Jeffrey, I believe) determines that he must save this local night club singer Dorothy Vallens (played by Isabella Rosselini) from almost certain doom. Her husband has been captured, and to appease her husband’s captor, she must have graphic, kinky sex with him.

What I really loved about this film is the pseudo-nostalgia and the very dark humor. This movie is definitely making fun of the hard-boiled detective of film noir, turning questions of justice and righteousness back to the motive. I’ll be writing a much longer post about “Blue Velvet” for Video Word Made Flesh later this month, so I’ll refrain from writing too much here.

The X Files (seasons 1-2)

Scully and Mulder first meet!

I can’t believe it took me so long to start watching The X Files! I love this show – both the understated and the ridiculous aspects of it are done very well. I’m not sure whether to actually believe Mulder that things are as bad as they are, or to just enjoy watching Scully reign him in.

It’s difficult to sum up a tv show, especially one that aired for as long as this one did. I think the writers do a very good job of balancing the show being episodic with a sort of overall plot. They also make the show accessible to people that aren’t all that into UFOs. As a matter of fact, I think this is the first thing involving aliens that I liked. (At least, that I watched … I think there might have been a book involving aliens somewhere in there …)

**

This is just a sampling of the amazing movies/tv shows that I watched in 2011! Thank you all for bearing with me until the end of this post.

I do have some work planned for 2012. Specifically, I want to spend a lot of time reading books that Stanley Kubrick based movies on, watching the movies, and comparing the two. Should be fuuuuun … Anyway, there will be many more posts to come in the new year. Be excited!

Bronson isn’t a plot-heavy film. Instead, director Nicolas Winding Refn focuses primarily on Bronson’s relationship to art, and his transformation as an artist. This is largely what makes the film work. If it were simply a biopic about a violent prisoner, it would be one of those really serious (and really boring) Oscar dramas. Instead, the director makes the film interesting by borrowing stylistically from independent films from the 40s and 50s, with avant-garde aesthetics. The first shot of the film is of Bronson looking straight at the camera, with a black background. After two lines, the camera cuts to Bronson’s back, and we see he’s on stage with an audience in front of him. Full post up at Video Word Made Flesh.