Confessional Time with Abbie

I’ve been feeling … weirdly separated from things that matter a lot to me. Either I’ve really, seriously burned myself out with activism, or I’ve had things in my personal life that have taken my attention away from activism. Fact: I haven’t been as engaged with Social Justice lately as I have been in the past. It feels cyclical, and that my interest and passion will pick up again.

Honestly, it’s just that time of semester. I’ve got three major research papers (two 10-12 page research papers, and one 15-20 page paper that needs to become a website) coming up, and after this weekend, I’ve only got … two and a half weeks left? Something crazy like that. So I’m really hurrying to finish things up with those.

I’ve also been too busy (for about three months now) to really focus on my spiritual growth. Not really conducive/helpful to my irritated state and problems with my anxiety. I haven’t been able to actively practice for about that long, and I’m definitely feeling the effects. Normally, November and October are particularly spiritual months for me, but I haven’t been able to engage as well with that particular cycle.

It will be good to get home for Thanksgiving, because that will at least feel … somewhat normal. It’s the best holiday my family does. I just need to see my parents, in our home, and to cuddle with my kitties and a good book (which is incidentally homework …).

**

What else has been striking me lately: How amazing my friends are. Seriously. You guys are great. I wouldn’t be half the strong woman I am today if I didn’t have such wonderful support.

**

Funnily enough, despite all of these strange interruptions in my normal cycle, I’m feeling really at peace with academics. Like I’ve talked about in my posts on research, and don’t really need to reiterate here, I’ve become very invested in going to grad school, and even putting together a Fulbright application. I would like to take some time off, even if it’s just a year, to do an internship and live in the ‘real world.’

I’ll also need time to pull together the Fulbright. Why not get some practical, badass activist experience while I do that? And if I just end up being a barista somewhere … so be it. I’ll write, and I’ll pull my shit together, and will be able to relax for a bit.

Mmm, really excited about going home tomorrow. Bought two plain black shirts at Target today – one is a cowl-neck shirt, the other is a turtleneck. Thay make me feel wonderful. Will be wearing one of them tomorrow, methinks. I need to feel sexy post-almost-break-up. There might even be maneater red lipstick involved.

Did I mention that tomorrow consists of me going to class, and then home, to do homework and cuddle with my cats and parents? Yeah. I’m dressing up for that shit.

End dorkhood. Sleep time now, yes.

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